I See You.

Ten years ago, I met my first street poet.

I was on a 16-day adventure of philanthropy and self-discovery, a teenager on a crusade to save the world, one soup kitchen at a time.

I had just embarrassingly offered a fresh PB&J to a person who only appeared homeless, but was not at all, when a young man, not much older than myself, shouted, “Hey, I’ll take that.”

He was sitting on a bench, wearing unseasonably warm clothing with a stocking cap and piercings. He looked fidgety, but rather unassuming and safe. I offered him the sandwich, relieved for the distraction from my pubescent humiliation, and sat next to him. At last, I thought. Someone to save.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Jackal,” he replied around bites of PB&J.

“Is that your real name?” I inquired instinctively in surprise, and then felt stupid when he glanced at me in annoyance.

“I’m a street poet,” he answered instead, and I nodded in appreciation.

“I love poetry,” I said in all honesty, as I got the familiar tingle of discovery. “Are you willing to share some of your art?”

Jackal pulled out his notebook with surprising speed, as if he had been waiting for someone to ask, and started rapping his words, bobbing his head to a rhythm only he heard. The poetry wasn’t great, I remember thinking. The syntax is all wrong, and these words really make no sense. But trying to be supportive, I bobbed my head too.

Jackal continued, now moving his arm in emphasis, never looking up from his little notebook of poems.

A man walked by, and Jackal stopped mid-sentence.

Homeless men sit on Denver bench. Photo by Denver Post.

Homeless men sit on Denver bench. Photo by Denver Post.

“Hey, man!” he yelled at the passing guy, leaning forward in the bench. “Do you have a light?”

I am not sure what made Jackal ask this particular person at this particular time, right in the middle of a really moving, mediocre piece of street lit when there wasn’t a cigarette in sight, but the man didn’t respond. He just kept walking by.

Jackal fell back against the bench hard and slumped down, poetry forgotten. “They all act like they can’t hear us,” he mumbled in frustration. “They all pretend we are invisible.”

And that’s when I was punched in the stomach with a great fist of conviction. Here I was, smug as cherry pie that I gave this man a sandwich, and all he wants is someone to see him, to recognize him as a person. Or in my case, as a street poet.

Like the Zulu phrase sawubona, a greeting communicating fellow humanity and understanding, Jackal just wanted dignity and respect in the most basic form: recognition. The phrase comes from a culture of small villages, in which the greeting of the day as someone who doesn’t just observe their presence, but deeply engages with another.

Rick Steves is right when he says travel humanizes each other, and that everyone has their own dream, “their own struggles that we are clueless about and [travel] grows that appreciation for it” and lets us empathize with it. To Steves, travel is about exposure, and hopefully, advocacy in the face of new or marginalized narratives.

We envision homeless persons to be lost, vagrant, and often don't humanize them, but instead categorize them as a social issue.

We envision homeless persons to be lost, vagrant, and often don’t humanize them, but instead categorize them as a social issue that needs our saving.

We went into the park, armed with our socks and Gatorades and sandwiches, ready to save someone, but what really happened, is I was saved. In this engagement, Jackal humanized a social issue, and interjected a marginalized narrative  into my worldview. Jackal saved me from the presumption that I was important enough to change someone’s life with a sandwich. It took time and recognition and investment to perhaps make the small difference of recognition.

As David Spurr says, the consciousness of interest rejects the notion of disinterested, objective writers, and the honest examination of our own interest (in my case, interest to feel good about being a savior to a needy population) to do justice to the narrative of the Others, moving from confinement within Western ideals to wider understanding of people marginalized and excluded from society. As a privileged Caucasian teenager on a mission from God and church, I saw myself as someone who could improve someone’s world with a word of grace and food. Isn’t this imperialistic vision a bit…oppressive? Egocentric? It was about what I could gather from the experience, not what I could give to those within the experience. What ideals of mine I could force on others, for their own good.

Because what did Jackal really require?

He wanted someone to hear him. To see his story. To feel who he was.

When I recently visited my mother in the Midwest, she told me a couple World War II veterans had asked if I would visit them. She had told them of my military service, and they, the Greatest Generation, wanted to thank ME for it. I was extremely embarrassed that 90-somethings who served in a devastating war would want to talk to me, someone who had never deployed for more than three months. What did I have to offer?


B-29 Superfortress overview.

B-29 Superfortress overview.

Orlando. Ninety-three years old. Staff Sergeant in the United Army Air Corps (back before the Air Force was born). Top turret gunner in the B-29 Superfortress bomber in the Pacific theater during World War II. In this aircraft, you had a 33 percent chance of dying before the crew could reach thirty-five missions to rotate home. He was sprightly and talkative, and thoroughly questioned my uniform and training.

“You know,” he said, “We called lieutenants like you the thirty-day wonder…it only took thirty days to train and commission you before you were telling us what to do.”

Never mind the four years of training it took to get my commission; I humbly took his criticism for all past and future LTs who didn’t know what the hell they were doing. We are often stupidly arrogant about leadership and people, much like activist Jacquelyn Novogratz and writer Debbie Lisle suggest: don’t distance oneself in the seat of authority, but instead engage and be vulnerable to your experiences and audience.

Yet, in preparation for our meeting, he had drawn me a carefully lettered and colored stencil, despite his terminally shaky hands, with my name “Lt Katrina” on it. He used my first name instead of my last name in spite of military custom. He had never met me. He had only heard my parents’ praises of my minimal service. Yet this man, who served for years in the Pacific theater during World War II, wanted to give me a gift representing his time and sacrifice.

He wanted understanding and recognition. He wanted someone to hear his story. He wanted someone to see him.

Before I left, he pushed himself slowly up from his wheelchair, and shakily stood up. He straightened his bent body and saluted, World War II-style. I saluted back, blinking tears away.

WWII veteran salutes during playing of National Anthem on Veteran's Day. Photo not by me.

WWII veteran salutes during playing of National Anthem on Veteran’s Day. Photo not by me.

Of course, he corrected my salute, although the salute I presented was a modernized version of his, seventy years later.

But I didn’t argue. I just listened.

These narratives, of Jackal and Orlando, offer a broader concept than just moments of engagement; they remind me to engage, to be aware of my cultural and selfish interests, preconceived notions, and bias…so I can better effect change in what little ways I can.

Even if it is just saying, I see you. You are not alone. I hear your story, and I won’t let someone tell it differently than you.

I see you.

I see YOU.

And I won’t forget.


Pushing Orlando back to his room after a nice chat about his service. Truly blessed to learn from him.

Pushing Orlando back to his room after discussing his service during WWII. Truly blessed to learn from him.

8 Comments to “I See You.”

  1. Katrina,
    You truly have a lot of experiences to share. I appreciate the honesty that you have put forth in this piece.
    I am sure that you already know this, but isiZulu is only native to some of the South African states. It is great that you incorporated this piece of culture in your blog, were any of the people you spoke to from Africa? Is that what makes this South African word relevant? Either way this is a wonderful recognition of American Veterans.
    great job!

    • Cathy, thanks!

      I’d love your further feedback on the use of the word…no one in this particular story was African, although I did meet this tall African American man who called himself Goliath. He had terrible diabetes and could barely walk…but he was so cheerful despite it.

      But I had heard of this term in college and it always touched me. I wanted to engage with people in that way, and truly see them as they see themselves. Do you think the word needs more context? Is it out of place?

  2. Katrina,
    This is a great blog. The photos make the personal experiences come alive. (I’ve tried a couple of time to add photos with disastrous results.) In “I See You” you are open and honest, revealing your original intentions and the resulting growth from doing something as simple as handing out a sandwich. This is exactly the type of travel writing that I love to read. Em

    • Thanks, Em. I really appreciate the feedback! I am honored you read it as such, and that it communicated growth. I struggle against the hypocrisy of self-righteous charity all the time!

      Photos are always the longest part of posting…if you just keep trying, eventually it will work. I’ve had better luck with large size than medium for formatting purposes.

  3. Hi Katrina, this is really interesting! I am wondering a little about this notion that we, the more privileged observers, go out into the world save people, but in turn are saved ourselves. I’m starting to wonder if it verges a little on “idealizing” the other as David Spurr talks about in his chapter on Idealization. What do you think?

    • I like how you bring up that concept…I think I was (and still struggle against) the idealization and veneration of other cultures as a result of post-colonial guilt. I love how you used the piece about charity in your blog, and I really feel like it applies here.

  4. Katrina, Ken and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your short story on “I See You”. It had me thinking deeply about comparing this idea to being a teacher or coach (as I was) and wanting to help the students see things through my eyes. What I failed to do was place myself in their shoes and understand the entire picture. When looking back, I would love to have some “do overs”! It took me several years to gain this wisdom when you have gained this knowledge in a short period of time in your life. I love reading your blogs and gaining new insight.
    —coach sbw and Ken

    • Beck, I’m incredibly blessed to have had mentors like you shape my youth. Thanks for your feedback; it means a lot that you gained insight from ME when I feel blessed to have learned from you.

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